Tribute

Just got back from my Grandmother's memorial.

It was like time stood still.

I had the hardest time sleeping last night.Too many contemplations:

Should my husband come with me?

OMG going to see people I haven't seen in ages.

What to wear? Man I need new clothes!

Should I wear her favorite color?  I want to celebrate her life.

I forgot which is her favorite color! Ah!

And sad coz it'll be the final time I will see her.

I'm grateful that I saw her her before I got married.   That day was May 17.
Maybe she wanted to see that first before she went.

Though, She coulda talked me out of it 

At 00:30  my mom called,  wanting to give input whether he should attend the memorial. Even when Grandma was in the hospital, it would have been awkward.  It would have been out of support, don't get me wrong.  But I didn't want my husband to see her like that. My Dad, my husband, and I agreed would be and odd  time for everyone to meet.  I got pissed, since it was already decided, the timing, and discussion of it again. My disagreement was I didn't want to stray the focus away from Grandma.

I ended up going to bed around 02:00 or 03:00. Also had to get up early coz of traffic.  But we forgot it was Columbus day today.  The day before my sis and I went on Columbus St, for Columbus day parade. It was a spontaneous thing, and glad I went.  She also had a field-trip type assignment to quick-draw things from it.  I wanted to catch the Blue Angels !!  And to my luck, they were flying!  It was cloudy, but I saw them like 5 diff times. 

The way I see it, it was a like a celebration for Grandma.
Angels in the sky.

 It's a mix of emotions,  happy and sad.   And the Priest had a good sermon;  explaining she will stay alive in your mind and in your heart.  And the same for my Grandpa I lost in 2001.

I will remember it all.  Happy coz I reminisce about what we did, and what fun. All the things she did. Alot of those times from when I was a little girl.  Walking down the street to KFC and eating chicken littles sandwiches.  Taking the Muni bus to market street.

All of these are flooding me.  I went to work the day after she left. And I swear,  all of the Grandmas called me. Saying they're 83 or 86 yrs old.  Then said they didnt know electronics very well, and to explain things like they're my Grandma. It was like she wanted to talk to me still.

 I don't think she's gone yet.

She's still in my mind.
I think she can read my mind.

And she's swelling my heart.